i can walk into any grocery and get what i want for (uh) basically free it's been this way for years it's on the packaging and you can trust they don't reprice it cause the pricing is everything arizona tea (ninety-nine cents) that's all it costs me (is ninety-nine cents) basically free arizona tea (wo-oh, soooooo cheap) taste like the real thing (like the real thing) but you don't have to bring (you don't have to bring) the bags and the sugar and the pitcher to put it in (to put it in) what a pretty can (what a pretty can) the best in all the land (best in all the land) and the deal's so good, you're losin' money passin' it up (losin' money, lo-losin' money) arizona tea (ninety-nine cents) that's all it costs me (is ninety-nine cents) in this economy arizona tea (wo-oh, soooooo cheap) (fading out) arizona tea (ninety-nine cents) that's all it costs me (is ninety-nine cents) in this economy i'll go with arizona tea

This just in: we're receiving reports that a new fad is taking the nation by storm. It's name? Jorts! But it appears as if this breakthrough in jean-shorts splicing technology is causing irregular weather patterns all across the globe, more at five. Woo! it's the warmer season, so I can't wear jeans I really like the denim, but not the length of the seam My mom dresses caus' and my dad likes to preen I'm not like either of them, I got the recessive gene (jean) Jort storm, jort storm's coming tonight A jort storm, it's a category five Jort storm, jort storm's coming tonight The jort storm's a-comin'- better run and hide! Jort-icane Jort-nado Jort-nami Jort-quake Jort-ruption Jort-alanche Jort-pocalypse (Jorts!) The jort storms coming (Jorts!) So you better start running fast, it's a chase But be careful 'cause those jorts are known to chafe (J-J-J-jorts!) They're the new sensation (Jorts!) Wear 'em to every occasion, jorts in the pool Or wear them at somebody's funeral, yeah (J-J-J-jorts!) My personality is ninety-nine percent jorts I had a genetic test, but all my genes (jeans) were short Jort storm, jort storm's coming tonight A Jort storm, it's a category five Jort storm, jort storm's coming tonight I take off my fucking jorts, I got my jorts inside Breaking news: Millions of Americans have been sucked directly into the "Jortex", which is headed for this town. This would be a great time for any loyal listeners of WGBS news who feel moved to donate to make their final donations. 844-387-*CRASH* (Jorts!) The elders foretold (Jorts!) of a fashion so bold A new God of the Earth (Jorthulu) Seal it in denim and turned it into Jearth

both of us when we write lyrics they're poetry yours are robert frost and mine are shel silverstien both of when we speak we do it in our own ways you can talk in flowing lines and i talk in hard rough shapes (i talk in hard rough shapes) i feel so lucky that you're here if you were old enough i'd buy you a beer i feel alive when you are near when you're around i can ignore my fears of social confrontation, failure and the loss of everything the loss of everything (and i think it's weird that we found each other) almost like fate chose us to be brothers (when we write lyrics) in this art you bring the talent and i also bring the talent (when we're together, we both bring the talent) (notes: - the backing vocals are way too quiet to hear at the end. trust me, that's what they're saying - it's supposed to be "if WE were old enough". stupid past me.)

Lyrics sourced from TMBW: It's impossible to forget The time when there were six ways to Sunday All the same forget it you must 'Cause this is only going to go one way A peg-leg captain's ghost Once said these words to me When forced to choose between the devil And the deep blue sea Flip a piece of eight in the air 'Cause this is only going to go one way She's lost count of all the occasions She's considered punching his face in Deep down they know, come judgment day They'll hang together side-by-side come what may He knows he's often dreamt Of shortening her life She's felt her hand discreetly moving For the kitchen knife Get a room, you're meant for each other This is only going to go one way An old magician said While swallowing strychnine Too bad my greatest trick can only Be performed one time As we hurtle down the expressway Buckle up, prepare for the new day Open up the doors to the bomb bay Invoke Geronimo Brace yourself, your destiny's written This is only going to go one way

time marches onward we can't go back time marches onward we gotta go back, back we gotta go back, back time marches onward we gotta go back we gotta go back we gotta go back we gotta go back

they flit through the navy july sky lighting it up with flashes of gold they fly rouge stars, shootin' their shot winking on and off so fast that they're burning- they're flying- they're turning above me creating a sunbeam and lightshow beneath the canopy how do they do it for free rouge stars what a beauty to see sometimes at night when i'm in bed i see them move around my head like an anglerfish's light in the depths of the ocean pulling my eyes back and forth in slow motion and as they lay me down to sleep i count these bugs instead of sheep trapped inside my drywood box full of water, seaweed, fish and rouge stars, shootin' their shot winking on and off so fast that they're burning- they're flying- they're turning above me creating a sunbeam and lightshow beneath the canopy how do they do it for free rouge stars what a beauty to see

One day she'll come through my garden gate Until then I'll sit here and wait The words turn into weeks, and months, and years And time passes on, and with it my friends and peers So I sit here and fold the fronds of this accordion

ooh-uh ooh-uh ooh-uh-ay ooh-ay-uh-ay ooh-uh ooh-uh ooh-ay-uh-ay ooh-ay-uh-ay Hey now, you're an all star, get your game on- HIT THE FLOOR! (ooh-uh ooh-uh ooh-uh ooh-uh) Hey now, you're a rock star-Make It-get paid Shoot for the stars, if it feels right-i hit the ground runnin' If you feel like it take me away, and make it okay, I swear I'll- get sm-art But you HIT THE FLOOR (grrrRRRRR) (here we go now,) ONE- nothin' wrong with me (work it, make it) TWO- nothin' wrong with me (do it, makes us) THREE- nothin' wrong with me FOUR- *funkytown* ONE- somethin's got to give (harder, better) TWO- somethin's got to give (jagger, stronger) THREE- somethin's got to give (now or never, hour after) YAAAAAAAAAAA (hour (our) work is never over) ONE (work it) TWO (make it) THREE (do it) FOUR (makes us) nothin' wrong with me (harder, better) nothin' wrong with me (jagger, stronger) grrrRRRR ONE, TWO (here we go, here we go) ONE TWO THREE FOUR (here we go now,) Hey now, you're an all star, get your game on, go- HIT THE FLOOR! (ooh-uh ooh-uh ooh-uh ooh-uh) Hey now, you're a rock star-Make It-get- LOW! Shoot for the stars, if it feels right-i hit the ground runnin' If you feel like it take me away, and make it okay, I swear I'll- get sm-art But you HIT THE FLOOR (YAAAAAAAA) (ONE, TWO, THREE, FOUR) work it- bodies hit the floor (make it) do it- bodies hit the floor (makes us) It's a cold place, and they say it gets colder (ONE, TWO) You're bundled up now wait tell you get older (THREE, FOUR) (grrRRRRRR) let the- harder- hit the- better let the- jagger- hit the- stronger My world's on fire, how 'bout yours, that's the way I like it and I'll never get bored (oh, here we go now,) Hey now, you're an all star, get your game on- hit the flo! Hey now, you're a rock star-make It-HIT THE FLOOR!

He stepped out of the barbershop, his mind a spinning blur. What, exactly, had his forty dollars cured? His head looked like a rabid dog attacked him with a spur, and now no-one would trust him, his boyfriend's face had gone grim and all because- just on a whim- he got a new haircut. When he stepped in the grocery folks turned the other way Nobody would listen to what he had to say People, they would whisper as he walked by and now no-one would trust him, his boyfriend's face had gone grim and all because- just on a whim- he got a new haircut. One side had nearly gotten buzzed the other was uncut Sporting a reverse mohawk with uncomfortably long bangs The rabid dog they hired just made the whole thing worse and now no-one would trust him, his boyfriend's face had gone grim and all because- just on a whim- he got a new haircut. Someone made a kickstarter to get this man another cut but nobody could bear to see the photos The evil barber ruined his whole life for jeez! a whole three weeks and didn't even refund him, and now no-one would trust him, his boyfriend's face had gone grim and all because- just on a whim- he got a new haircut.

once upon an island, there was a group of football players to clarify, I mean british football, not American Football (shut up) anyway, only like eight hundred people lived on the island so as you might guess, the football team kinda sucked the sark football team the sark football team it is not very good, it was not very good to be honest they really sucked they challenged other island nations to matches every one ending in a major defeat- like twenty points to none, it was crazy they were really- they were really not good. um. anyway because they sucked so bad they gave up. that's it, that's the story. the sark football team was not very good they were not very good, they were not very good they were not very good at all, no the sark football team were not very good they were not very good, they were not very good they were not very good, they were not very good at all pffheh heh heh... so stupid

(From Louie Zong's bandcamp) Lazarus had nothing on you We thought you went to the celestial zoo The lungfish calls you brother And I guess that we should too Hope to see you round, oh Oh coelacanth See ya, coelacanth Hope to see you round, oh coelacanth Guess you haven't changed much Why fix what isn't broke Hope to see you round, oh Oh coelacanth Poseidon rules such a cruel domain We're glad that you're here on this mortal plane Let's face the world together Until our judgement day Hope to see you round, oh Oh coelacanth If it ain't broke don't fix it Coelacanths are still with it If it ain't broke don't fix it Cuz I hope to see you round, oh Oh coelacanth

He chose to seek professional help for his head He found the highest rated hair doctor on yelp The doctor lived in a castle, upon the highest hill When asked for help, he responded "I know just what to do" oouahaha... ahahahaHA... uahAHAHAHAHA!! nah- nah dude, dude, chill c'mon it'll look great once im done, j's- j's lemme- just lemme cook When he looked in the mirror, he saw another man. Sure he was hot, but he didn't like the job Mr. Evl had done. So there he sat with his regrets, his hair chiefest among them. He had no choice but to wear hats for the next month.

(Lyrics from Lemon Demon's Bandcamp) You are red and blue and green, Living like a living computer glitch. You could change to anything. All you gotta do is just hit the switch. You are muscle, flesh, and bone, Living in the land of automobiles. If you ever lose your shoes, All you gotta do is just click your heels. Symmetry’s overrated, methinks. Look at the scars all over the Sphinx. Do you know that when you blink, Each eye winks slightly out of sync? Symmetry’s overrated, methinks. Look at the scars all over the Sphinx. Even the planet spins with a tilt. Everybody’s built like a quilt. Have you heard the awful truth? Cursed asymmetricals go to hell. If you trip and lose a tooth, You gotta knock the other side out as well. Gouge both eyes out and you’ll see Empty sockets everywhere: self abyss. Fill them up with mercury So that I can see myself when we kiss. Symmetry’s overrated, methinks. Look at the scars all over the Sphinx. Even the planet spins with a tilt. Everybody’s built like a quilt. Trees in the forest fall to the side. Everybody’s got something to hide, Except for me and my suitcase Full of imperfections. If the court has no objections… Symmetry’s overrated, methinks. Look at the scars all over the Sphinx. I am lopsided, and so are you. Nothing worth loving isn’t askew.

jaywalkin' (oooooh) jaywalkin' (ooooooooh) 'cause i was jaywalkin' (wuh-ooo, shoulda never gone) jaywalkin' (wuh-ooo, wish i never went) i didn't think i'd get arrested (no no no no) i didn't think i'd jo to jail (no no no no) just for jaywalkin' (wish i never wish i never wish i never) went jaywalkin' (coulda never coulda never coulda never) gone jaywalkin' (wuh-oh, noooooo) (note: i SWEAR i said go there but listening to the recording it's DEFINITELY jo D:)

i'm on the way to the place that i belong the land of rest and self-improvement but my experience will hinge on what i bring along if i come with all my luggage i'll leave with nothing more some night i lay awake just carryin' my bags the work that it can take to rest in these conditions? impossible for me. ooh let's take a look into what i got packed here on second thought let's close that suitcase and never open it again i could walk to the edge of a canyon... hold the bags above the drop but i know i lack the courage not to stop some night i lay awake just carryin' my bags the work that it can take to rest in these conditions? impossible for me. (tasteful sax solo) some night i lay awake just carryin' my bags the work that it can take to rest in these conditions? impossible for me, impossible for me, impossible for me, impossible for me, impossible for me.

i was feelin pretty tired like when i got my bitty fired on the streets i hollered "you bitches ain't nothing, wdym" fuck the police, a cab parked don't got seats drugs were feelin' neat but i was trippin down the street, causin' pain but that's the game that never cheats (woo!) i ain't got no place to be (woo!) and nobody's lookin for me (woo!) i ain't got no place to be (woo!) bass cranked up, naked n boutta tweak can't make out the lyrics, to me it's all greek so i'll talk about my geek freak i took her to meat street (woo!) went to town butcherin' up what's left on her yellow teeth, she'd taken over seven thousand feet on wood, call her the beast i ain't got no place to be (woo!) and nobody's lookin for me (woo!) i ain't got no place to be (woo!) (notes: - bitty. attractive woman, apparently. i didn't write that one. - wdym was written as such in the text. i pronounced it "what do you mean" - this song is DEFINITELY NOT ABOUT ME - the chorus is the only bit cut from whole cloth for this song - meat street probably about sex but also our friendgroup is called the meat so who knows - it's supposed to be feet of wood. whoops.)

one day i got a new laptop (thanks CJ!) and it could run a website called BeepBox on which I had a lot of fun (bom, bom bom) this one tune created the first of december gave me the idea to challenge myself to write a tune every day i'd write a tune a day- they're music sometimes (tune a day) there's really no point (to tune a day) just a fun project: tune a day (that sounds fair) next year i downloaded a bit of new software ableton lite was free with my midi controller yeaaaaaa when july rolled around i thought i might try to write a daily song again it was such a success, i'm doin it this year- i'd write a tune a day- they're music sometimes (tune a day) there's really no point (to tune a day) just a fun project: tune a day (yea!) some of my best songs (tune a day) were written this way (tune a day) i don't know what i'd do without tune a day (whew!)

(Lyrics from Telephone Line and Call Me Maybe from Genius) Hello, how are you? Have you been alright Through all those lonely, lonely, lonely, lonely, lonely nights? Hey, (I threw a wish in the well) how you feelin'? (Don't ask me, I'll never tell) Are you still the same? (I looked to you as it fell) Don't you realise the things we did, we did (And now you're in my way) Were all for real, not a dream? (I trade my soul for a wish) I just can't believe (Pennies and dimes for a kiss) They've all faded out of view (I wasn't looking for this) Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeaaaa (But now you're in my way) (hey!) Oh, oh, telephone line, (Hey, I just met you) Give me some time (and this is crazy) I'm living in (But here's my number) twilight (so call me, maybe) Oh, oh, telephone line, (It's hard to look right) Give me some time (at you, baby) I'm living in (But here's my number) twilight (so call me, maybe) (Now listen closely:) Okay, so no one's answering Well, can't you just let it ring a little longer, longer, longer? Ohhhh I'll just sit tight (Your stare was holdin', ripped jeans) Through shadows of the night (Skin was showin', Hot night, wind was blowin') Let it ring forevermore, oh (Where you think you're going, baby?) Oh, oh, telephone line, (Hey, I just met you) Give me some time (and this is crazy) I'm living in (But here's my number) twilight (so call me, maybe) Oh, oh, telephone line, (It's hard to look right) Give me some time (at you, baby) I'm living in (But here's my number) twilight (so call me, maybe) Before you came into my life, I missed you so bad I missed you so bad Before you came into my life, I missed you so bad And you should know that Before you came into my life, I missed you so bad I missed you so bad I missed you so, so bad Where you think you're going, baby? Oh, oh, telephone line, (Hey, I just met you) Give me some time (and this is crazy) I'm living in (But here's my number) twilight (so call me, maybe) Oh, oh, telephone line, (It's hard to look right) Give me some time (at you, baby) I'm living in (But here's my number) twilight (so call me, maybe)

(Lyrics from Lemon Demon's Bandcamp) Saw him in a book of fossils Dancing with some old Apostles. I think if I went back in time, He’d be there, alive. Root of all my jealousy. Grounded in my devastation, I can’t get no aviation. Up in the sky, his grandchildren fly. I don’t sing, I sigh. Tell the Archaeopteryx That I never wanted this Featherhead metropolis. Liar liar, wings on fire. When it’s fast approaching winter And I eat my turkey dinner, Tickles of hate, they rattle my cage And evolve to rage. This is when I make a choice. I will build a time contraption. I will start a chain reaction. Know what I think I’m going to do? I am going to… Tell the Archaeopteryx That I never wanted this Featherhead metropolis. Liar liar, wings on fire. Now the clock ticks, And I hope this will fix All the present bird tricks. Farewell, Mr. Archaeopteryx.

time, the ever-moving weapon time, the all-consuming creature time, the great destructive force of time. remember, time, it'll get you one day time, it'll decommission your brain time, it'll never let you live time, murderous time, all-powerful time, all consuming time, time time time time time, it'll see your legacy fall see the crumbling of every wall be the deaths of us all the universe falls to time